Last time I wrote about men being aggressive so turnabout time! Women are just so damn passive aggressive and yes I include myself in that statement. In fact, I’m the queen of passive-aggressive land! I wear the crown quite proudly. When you add men into the mix of communication, things become complicated and most of the time I don’t think men pick up on hints because that’s really what being passive aggressive is all about. I am not advocating being passive aggressiveness at all. We should ALL be more assertive but it’s very hard to unlearn something that society has shoved down your throat since you could swallow.
As little girls we are taught to be nice so we learn to be passive aggressive at a very young age. Maybe it’s time we say fuck that and embrace the fact that we get to be angry or at the very least, we get to say what we want. Many of my male friends complain that women won’t say what they want when directly asked and I kind of agree with that (sorry ladies, but you know I’m right, please don’t take away my vagina, I love her. I even named her.)
Here are some examples of passive aggressiveness at its best. These are culled from my own experiences and my friends. I’ve changed names to protect the not-so-innocent.
- He asks her if she wants to go to the movies. She says there isn’t anything she wants to see. What it really means: I’m fucking tired and I want to lay on the couch and watch a chick show while you rub my feet you inconsiderate ass!
- He asks her if she wants to try a different sex position. She says maybe after we know each other a little better. What it really means: I’m not a gymnast and I can’t put my legs over my head. It can also mean that she really doesn’t think he can handle the new position as he hasn’t mastered missionary for fuck’s sake and that’s the easiest goddamn position of them all.
- He asks her if it’s OK if he goes out with the guys even though he had plans with her. She says sure honey. What it really means: Absolutely not fucktard! I did my hair and make-up and took three hours to plan what I was wearing. I already wrestled on my spanx, including breaking a nail while doing so so that you would think I’m beautiful and sexy and you want to go out with Biff, Arnie and Chuck? I’m just going to end up cleaning up vomit, putting you to bed and listening to you fart all night long.
- He tells you he might want to date other people just to be sure you are meant for one another. She says OK. What it really means: It is not OK and I assume you think you can do better so you’re just going to keep me around in case you realize you cannot do better than me. Here’s a clue for you pal, you can’t do better but by all means try. I on the other hand am going to find a man who isn’t a chicken shit dick. If you want to date other people, then just straight up tell me and yes, you might get dumped by me but that’s the chance you take.
- He tells you something mean spirited and then says he was only joking. She smiles. What it really means: That is my angry smile. Yes, women have an angry smile. If you get the angry smile, you should run away because I’m about to get hostile.
I teach communication and if there’s one thing I know, it’s that communicating in a mainly passive aggressive manner just means you’re going to be angry and pissed all the time. You’ll never get what you want if you don’t ask. And yes, you might argue more by being honest and asking for what you want, but so what? It’s normal to argue. If a couple tells you they don’t argue, they are either straight up lying or they live in Stepford, USA! Women need to be more assertive to their needs. I like this chart that straight up advocates for being assertive. Women need to learn it, men grew up knowing how to do it so it often falls to women to make sure the relationship has a healthy dose of assertiveness for both parties!
This week I want you to practice being more assertive and also calling others out when they are being passive aggressive. The world would be a better place if we all just said what we wanted.